Spiritual Force

As I sit here approaching 3 years since I started this blog, I realize that when it got really hectic, I wrote nothing. I bottled it, I swallowed my feelings, thoughts, anxiety, fears, anger and sadness. So I trudged through the death of my father, the beginning of the end of a marriage, the budding of a renewed connection to a friend who always appeared when I needed him most and the conception and birth of a beautiful, amazing, spiritual, powerful soul-Mateo. So as I reflect on the first 4 years of my 30's all I can say is WOW! I am now a mother, a wife, and a better friend to myself than I could ever imagine. I celebrate the tests that I've experienced, I look forward to the increased capacity that is awaiting me. I am more prepared for the journey...

Kansas City

This weekend my husband Amadou and I went to Kansas City (MO/KS) to celebrate his cousins graduation with her and family. We really had no idea what to expect (in Kansas that is) and really had no idea that we would have such a great time or that we would actually ENJOY it!

Although I've lived in the Midwest for ALL of my life, I had never been to Kansas and have only driven through Missouri one other time and that was way back in 1998...so needless to say i never really considered it a destination spot. But it seemed like a very livable city with lots of stuff to do and actually there were more "bi-racial buddies" as my sisters and I call ourselves in such a small square radius than I think I have ever seen (outside of my own childhood, growing up in a family of 8 children). I have to say that I never even really considered Kansas as the midwest and have always equated it to tornadoes and flat plains, but in actuality Kansas City isn't as close to Oklahoma which is where the real tornadoes happen, and the plains were actually rolling which was a fun experience.

The graduation was also nice and a new experience as Ms. Saratou is the first woman in her family to receive any post-secondary education which is a great feat both culturally and personally as she came to the U.S. as an adolescent and has been able to adapt to the culture of the US only enough to make it useful for her which i think is a good thing...i wish i could unadapt enough so that I could make the most use out of it for myself.

And she is not finished with school but is looking foward to her next steps, by the way, she did this while also raising her son, being a wife (which is no small feat, at least for me and my adjustment) and runs her own business....very busy lady!

So I am congratulating her and appreciating the opportunity to have been able to share this experience with her while also getting to follow the yellow brick road to Kansas. . .

Ms. Azaria!!

So she arrived...a while ago

and I have been so busy there was not time for posting. but instead i'm going to just post some pretty pictures of my new little niece because words could not describe her accurately.

waiting for miss azariah

so I am now counting down for the arrival of my 2nd niece Azaria any day. My sister thought she was due on the 28th but was confirmed that she is actually due tomorrow! we'll see if that happens...i am really excited to meet my new niece and am especially excited to have a new addition to our "Steen" family. I was talking with a friend yesterday about life and death and have always believed that when people leave the earth they make room for new lives and new focal points. As my first post stated, my father died at the beginning of the year and now we are awaiting the arrival of two nieces one in march and one in july. These are the first girls since Faziah who is my oldest niece and i truly believe that there is wisdom in the space between them. My family currently has 4 nephews and 1 niece but will soon have 3 and i think that a part of that is because my dad is gone. I think that there are different skills needed to raise girls than boys and i'm not sure that any of us would have been prepared to devote the time that it takes to support the growth of girls before this point. I say we, because we are a set of 8 and we all have some contribution to make in the lives of our next generation and are all intent on making sure that their life experience is better than ours whether it is as children, niece or nephew. And while we will all miss my dad in our own ways, his absence allows for some healing and teaching that i don't think could have happened with him here and i think he knew that. Anyways i'm really excited and waiting anxiously for my new little niece!!!