Kansas City

This weekend my husband Amadou and I went to Kansas City (MO/KS) to celebrate his cousins graduation with her and family. We really had no idea what to expect (in Kansas that is) and really had no idea that we would have such a great time or that we would actually ENJOY it!

Although I've lived in the Midwest for ALL of my life, I had never been to Kansas and have only driven through Missouri one other time and that was way back in 1998...so needless to say i never really considered it a destination spot. But it seemed like a very livable city with lots of stuff to do and actually there were more "bi-racial buddies" as my sisters and I call ourselves in such a small square radius than I think I have ever seen (outside of my own childhood, growing up in a family of 8 children). I have to say that I never even really considered Kansas as the midwest and have always equated it to tornadoes and flat plains, but in actuality Kansas City isn't as close to Oklahoma which is where the real tornadoes happen, and the plains were actually rolling which was a fun experience.

The graduation was also nice and a new experience as Ms. Saratou is the first woman in her family to receive any post-secondary education which is a great feat both culturally and personally as she came to the U.S. as an adolescent and has been able to adapt to the culture of the US only enough to make it useful for her which i think is a good thing...i wish i could unadapt enough so that I could make the most use out of it for myself.

And she is not finished with school but is looking foward to her next steps, by the way, she did this while also raising her son, being a wife (which is no small feat, at least for me and my adjustment) and runs her own business....very busy lady!

So I am congratulating her and appreciating the opportunity to have been able to share this experience with her while also getting to follow the yellow brick road to Kansas. . .

Ms. Azaria!!

So she arrived...a while ago

and I have been so busy there was not time for posting. but instead i'm going to just post some pretty pictures of my new little niece because words could not describe her accurately.

waiting for miss azariah

so I am now counting down for the arrival of my 2nd niece Azaria any day. My sister thought she was due on the 28th but was confirmed that she is actually due tomorrow! we'll see if that happens...i am really excited to meet my new niece and am especially excited to have a new addition to our "Steen" family. I was talking with a friend yesterday about life and death and have always believed that when people leave the earth they make room for new lives and new focal points. As my first post stated, my father died at the beginning of the year and now we are awaiting the arrival of two nieces one in march and one in july. These are the first girls since Faziah who is my oldest niece and i truly believe that there is wisdom in the space between them. My family currently has 4 nephews and 1 niece but will soon have 3 and i think that a part of that is because my dad is gone. I think that there are different skills needed to raise girls than boys and i'm not sure that any of us would have been prepared to devote the time that it takes to support the growth of girls before this point. I say we, because we are a set of 8 and we all have some contribution to make in the lives of our next generation and are all intent on making sure that their life experience is better than ours whether it is as children, niece or nephew. And while we will all miss my dad in our own ways, his absence allows for some healing and teaching that i don't think could have happened with him here and i think he knew that. Anyways i'm really excited and waiting anxiously for my new little niece!!!

Creating Space

This week was pretty busy. My husband came back from visiting family in Senegal, I then lightly dragged him to see Julie with me, and then we went to see my baby sister off to Iraq!! Then as a final touch, as we were driving back, our friends Karen and Emeric were welcoming their new baby buko into the "world" as we know it...talk about a mental and emotional ROLLERCOASTER! And so as I was recovering on Saturday from all of the excitement, I began to think about how we create space for ourselves and for others. Sometimes this space is physical, sometimes it is emotional, and it is always personal. I never realized how attached I was to "space".
As a child, I used to re-arrange my room weekly (as most of us did) and I would re-fold all of my clothes in my drawers (which I hope most of us DIDNT) all of this was in efforts to re-organize my space both in my room but more so for my own mental sanity. Growing up with 7 siblings and being especially close in age to 4 boys is quite demanding, I have now realized as an adult, and this was one thing that I always had "control" over and could rely on it being exactly how I left it.
No one would ever believe how anal retentive I was if they came into my room, office, or house these days. Most people wonder if I can find anything (but rest assured, there is a method to the madness that drives some of my closest friends crazy)
And while many of my spaces both materially and mentally look very different from when I was a child, I've realized that the objective is the same...creating a space that is authentically mine.
This is much harder than I would have ever imagined as I find myself constantly pulled in a myriad of directions, by so many things that I identify with. Sometimes its art, sometimes order, and sometimes I just want to sit in the space that exists between them, in the shadows.

And so what does this mean to anyone reading this? Maybe "thanks for sharing" maybe TMI but either way, I'm wondering about how each of our unique and authentic ways of creating space impacts both how we interact in the world and how we allow others to interact with us. I wonder how we can be more aware and then appreciative of how others need to create space for themselves without having our own needs obstructed or disrupted. And maybe this isn't possible. But if it was, how would we get to that "place"?

Getting to a Birdz Eye View

What does it mean to have a bird's eye view, traditionally one would think that it means a view from above, almost out of site and unnoticeable to those who are being viewed. And within my definition this isn't all wrong, but it is not inclusive enough either. For me, getting a birdz eye view invites new perspectives about self and others. It requires reflection, identification, and eventually response. Taking this approach is so critical, especially now, as the world continues to move faster, and is growing small enough to allow for things like this blog to exist and be read around the world. But as humanity, we have lost touch and focus on those things that are most important. And honestly, those things are not things at all but are people and relationships. So, for me getting a bird(z) eye view is about determining how to make the best of life within the human condition. Now I'm not trying to be philosophical when I mention, the human condition or to begin a big debate over what this means, but I have been spending a lot of time pondering what this means and specifically what it mean for me and my life.

2008 is about reflection

So, I've never really been a public reflector (sp) but am feeling that maybe it will do me some good to remove my thoughts from my internal realm and instead put them out for the world to see. I have come to the conclusion on January 9, 2008 that this year is about being thankful for what you have. Reflecting on where you've been, and making greater strides towards where you would like to go.

On January 9, 2008, my seven sisters and brothers and I buried our father who had decided that he was ready to leave this life and begin his journey within the next. In so many ways i cannot blame him and i have been trying to rationalize my feelings about it by saying that it was what he wanted and that he is in a better place, but that's becoming increasingly more difficult to swallow. The best glimmer of hope that I have had was when I was saying prayers last night and I read this line of a prayer by Baha'u'llah:

"O my God, Thy Trust hath been returned unto Thee. It behooveth Thy grace and Thy bounty that have compassed Thy dominions on earth and in heaven, to vouchsafe unto Thy newly welcomed one Thy gifts and Thy bestowals, and the fruits of the tree of Thy grace!"

As I read this prayer last night, a weight that had been looming around me seemed lifted and I was able think more positively than I had been since the funeral. And so although this i not how I would have ever intended to begin this blog (which by the way will only be here until i can really figure out what I'm doing) but as I am submitting wholly and completely to the Will of God, I believe that this is the beginning.